It isn't fun to come back to a blog that hasn't been updated for such a long time. I have just run out of things to say. I think I got really fed up of lectures and studies till I didn't have any desire left to update stuff. I dislike A levels. But it is challenging so maybe it's fun or not. However, it definitely takes a lot of energy out from you.
I am currently undergoing rehabilitation for my procrastination. Just got a emot-ion shot a few minutes ago. So I should be starting to study soon...with two and a half weeks left before my major exam. Thought I'll come here for a while to give a little cleaning up.
I've become a more boring person right. Pray for me :/
Hey SpM-ers. All the best in this exam and have fun :)
Blogging just didn't appeal to me for a long time. I wanted to write but I think I reached a time where I just didn't know what to do first. There were piles of undone work that only my conscience was motivating me to complete. Homework carries no marks for my course. And there was the daily task of catching up on sleep. And the unpredictable WiFi. Hence, the blogging drought. demotivated, I was.
everyone reaches a moment in life when they begin to search for their purpose. I see my friends, going through life daily, following routine. Some of them experience a shadow of BG love but still call it true. A few times, my friends have said that life is hard, unfair, difficult. I fear for the future us.
I see myself falling into a routine too, wishing for a break from all the busyness. I feel I haven't found peace. Ironic. Being a Christian. Everyone thinks you are silly for following Jesus. They brush the thought of Christianity aside, already set pretty firmly in their view of church people.
We are hypocrites, we Christians. I don't know, but somehow we give people the idea that all of us think we are holy and perfect and those that don't follow us we condemn to eternal hell. In real life, we aren't perfect, so maybe they hate us. I dunno. But not all, many also wonder why this giant group of people are so happy. Just to set it straight, being a Christian, I do experience a hope, since I know where I am going after I die. But I also face the difficulty of acknowledging the fact that I can't act like the people around me. I have to follow a higher rule. But I often fail. Definitely, there are others who do better. But there's no excuse for us to
I'm not sure what I'm trying to prove here. mm..keep searching for God. Nights.
Childhood memories are precious, just as precious as the teeth collected by the tooth fairy are. (I just only watched Rise of the Guardians). So I wish that I always stay a child inside, the world may be tough, but why should it change me? There are many responsibilities to take care of, but why should I panic? I have always Someone in whom I can rejoice.
Something that I fondly remember of while growing up(and there aren't many fond memories), was having my sister as my roomie. But I had to move out to my elder brother's room one day, probably because d'monthly cycle had started...so that was a sad day for me. And until now I always have good roomies:)
Anyway, I recall that my sis and I would take a long time to sleep, because great thinkers always think before bed you see...haha. Yea, so being just a child, I would often ask silly questions at night like, "are you sleeping?"...questions that would nowadays no one would want to answer without any sarcasm. We would sometimes bring our pillows on the cold floor and sleep on it when the weather was hot. Who would know that that would be bad for you?
I think I became so comfortable on the floor, I would roll off my bed and fall onto the floor and wake up in the morning finding myself staring under my bed.
We would open up the door a slit to peep behind our dad's back at the television when we weren't allowed to stay up to watch a late show.
I never really expected to enter college so fast. You see, major exams like SPM have a magical power able to render a person to have the longing to sleep and relax forever...
Yes, I am studying A Levels in Tunku Abdul Rahman University College now. I won't say it is the best thing that happened in my life...it's just something very new to me and I admit that I have learnt quite a bit (besides the information overload in classes). I'm now in my fourth week and I think it is a pleasant experience. So far so good. You would know the feeling if you've been there, done that.
If you've been a secondary student at least in the last decade, you would know that in the midst of all the prep and stress before SPM, almost everyone would make plans to be done after the "great examination". Something like a bucket list "to be completed after SPM and before I enter college". I did have many things in mind. People around me would also get excited about the stuff they planned....and so did I. I was kind of doubting the realization of the things I had planned because of disappointing experiences after PMR...but nevertheless I went ahead and dreamt, for it was really encouraging me to study like crazy.
Have you ever felt that after a month of exams, your personality seems to have changed? Because I think I did...I think I forgot many things that I can't remember now...my brain seemed to have compressed the not-so-important stuff into a zip file to make way for all the information I was shovelling into my head....ugh. Anyway, I think in the process, I forgot the plans I had, and the only thing that stayed in my mind was to get a loooongg sleep after the ordeal (if you read the previous posts, you would know what I did to my body).
In short, I didn't get to do a lot of stuff I planned. Maybe it is good. Because those stuff probably weren't going to help me grow as a person anyway. And then in the blink of an eye, I found myself stepping into the four walls of TAR UC, applying for a Cambridge A Level course in science, feeling suddenly so small in this huge campus.
Studying here, I came across many surprises. One, was the friends I made. It started with one, then it became two and then ten. Mutual friends is something that is really important here. If you know this guy, he would introduce you to his friends. There were people with mutual friends I had known years ago. And there were those random people that would suddenly be there to play basketball with you and then after that you won't see them for the rest of the week.
I was really happy to have a friendly roommate...I did hear of stories of people who had problems with their roommates...so I am just thankful to God for this great roomie of mine. He is the one who kind of kick-started me to a great college life. Too bad I arrived when he was having his exams. D:
It was in college that I realised that even little stuff in your life like a craving for supper could help you make a new friend. Even the smallest similarities between you and a stranger can cause a friendship to blossom. It was here where I discovered that I had picked up many social skills during the three years I went for d'NA. d'NA, the camp I mentioned in the previous post...was a preview for me of what college would be like. I'm really grateful that I had the opportunity to go for that camp:) I realised I had picked up some speaking skills and also become a braver person. I am able to pay attention for longer periods of time and learnt the basic art of asking questions. You see, I have simplified my communication skills into formulas, because it never comes naturally to me...haha. I just wonder whether using formulas for socializing would be counted as insincerity? But hey, at least I'm trying :D
Thank you Jesus! I managed to meet a lot of Christians. And I haven't even attended the Christian Fellowship yet! It seems to me that God has been putting a lot of His people in each other's way so that they would bump into each other :) He is really an amazing God...really indescribable.
Well, time forbids me to write too long. I have a biology quiz coming soon. So I just would like to thank God for all of the people I have been privileged to call friends and family in my life. You all have impacted me because you all have acted as mirrors me to see my true self, be it in the way you guys have glared at me, teased me, chided me, disciplined me or ignored me. Never said this before, but I have a habit of scrutinizing every mistake I make. I knew long ago that I am and will always be my worst enemy. Thus, I have seen my flaws. In my imaginations, I constantly put a gun to my head and shoot myself. Then I try again and see what the results are. Yes, I'm creepy. Don't worry, I am hyperboling.
My hope for this year in college, is firstly for me to grow in my walk with God, so that I can be an example of a sinner saved by his reliance on God's grace, not necessarily for people to follow, but for me to reflect on and thank God for the changes he has done in me. I really hope at the same time I may be bold and spread God's love to all the people that are just like I was some time ago, people who still haven't found the path to salvation from sin. I really hope that I would cry as much Jesus did for the lost people, and I sincerely hope that I would be willing to persevere and be patient with them. Most of all, I hope I won't be a hypocrite....because people have always seen Christians as hypocrites. Yes, it's not simple, but it is still a very easy task compared to what Jesus did on the cross.
Oh, and I hope that I can be a little more hardworking and start studying now...;)
