Keeping it all in

Everywhere...there are unsaid words, unvoiced thoughts, unspoken truths. (okay not everywhere, not everyone) Just look around. Look into your conversations. Do you sense that void? or is it just me.. .. .. ..

I don't understand. I wish there just could be more truth in this world. I don't get it. Does creating a happy atmosphere mean saying what sounds best all the time? I just wish...there could be more serious talk...without people getting uncomfortable and trying to end the conversation quickly. I know, privacy. Some things, can't be trusted to others. I get that. Nevertheless...I still long for that warmth of a serious conversation. It just makes you get a grasp of reality. Sure...laughter is scarce and why do you want to give a gloomy atmosphere? JUST CHILL MAN WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU. But...I can't. Not when so many things are mysteries to me. I really want to learn~

I would prefer, to laugh genuinely because I feel at ease. Having a knot in my chest all the time, isn't exactly a conducive state for laughter. I have so many unfinished things that I wish I could let out. But the time has passed and the topic has long been changed. Why are people so impatient?
(I'm impatient when I walk. I tend to step on people's heels when it's crowded and when my mind is just paralyzed with heavy thoughts. Sorry :( I'm clumsy when I multi-task. So, maybe I should slow down? I'm okay with that, but don't block the road -.- ) 
Or, rather, why are they so fast and I, so slow? Why are they so loud? Why are they so confident? I thought everyone was imperfect; why do they act as if they weren't? Why don't they flinch when they tell lies? Why don't they feel any remorse? Why do they help others to benefit themselves?

Or maybe...while other people have already settled their insecurities, I'm still hanging on to mine because I don't know who to trust?

I judge people too much? I don't really judge them...I just feel very curious why they act that way; 'giving the benefit of the doubt' sort of thing. So much so that, I forget to be a person.

It would be okay, if I could have conversations with God. But that doesn't happen to me. Maybe I'm not close to God enough. Or...maybe I'm not patient enough...

I wish I could stop time. So that, even busy people would have time to talk. I wish I could kidnap people. So that, even people with a million friends would have space to talk one on one.

In the end, every soul is alone with God when they face judgement. I think I can understand the feeling. Because, your true thoughts only reveal themselves when (you think) you are alone.

***

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never ever seen - don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way He works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how He works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."

(Matthew: chapter 6 verse 33, The Message Bible) 

Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given onto you...... Have no worries but fully trust in God and God will provide with everything that is best for you (not necessarily your wishes, because they just might backfire).

***

Just to be clear, for the things I said, I can't be sure if things were really the way I think they were. I can't trust my own observations. It might be fogged up with jealousy, envy and my ego. In my opinion, the way I acted, thought and felt could probably be wrong in the first place. That's why I don't give advice, I may seem like I do, but I'm just sharing what I imagine I would do in that situation.

I did it again, got all negative. Sorry I'm not sorry. This is after all, just how I feel at the particular moment.