Pepper Ration

Just this week there has been two shooting incidents that's publicized to the entire world (and there are tons more which I didn't know about, it was rather shocking gotta admit that). Instead of trying to imagine how the friends and families of the victims were coping, I imagined what would happen if it happened right where I am. When is it going to be our turn to get reality, by whatever means, shoved into our faces?

I feel like I'm in a dream. I see all these warning signs that God has placed for us to know that He is coming soon, yet I am still going at my own pace. I just can't keep up with life. 

This isn't an admit of defeat though. It's the start of more searching. The search for where God wants me to be at what time until the the day of my departure.

"Who knows God's purpose for your life?" A pastor once asked this question during a sermon, and I raised my hand without thinking. 'To serve Him,' I thought, as the usual, generalized answer came to mind. Then I realized I didn't know specifically what it was, and my hand started shaking a bit.
I trust that I am where am I supposed to be, but what exactly am I supposed to do? I've got to spend more time praying about it...

This is to all of you still trying to see where God is leading you: don't despair but rejoice in all the small steps you take to get nearer to His calling :) Maybe the time hasn't come yet. Maybe He wants to mold you more first.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. For this reason it says, 'Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, And Christ will shine on you." Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

from the book of Ephesians, chapter 5: verses 1 to 21

p/s: the shootings were horror events but I don't think there is anything more I can say that can do any help. I only feel terrible because these things are happening to others while I'm just living in comfort. More importantly, remember that God is in control, and if you commit your life to the Saviour then death on earth means eternal life in heaven.