checking in

 hi just checking in. 

life is so different now. just wanted to leave something here cuz at least i have been feeling quite motivated today.

although i didn't actually do much today. but i'm excited i'm looking forward

that's a good thing right

remembered last year at this time i was in kapit also having a sudden breath of fresh air in a new environment and suddenly for the first time in a while feeling interested in medicine

then march mco was such an amazing time sleeping during class and catching up on all the movies i didn't watch

and always having the feeling of dread that i will fail my professional

well look at things now. i'm here. i'm still alive.

despite my insecurities

despite my self-diagnosed adhd which i'm 99% sure i have but just too afraid that i'm wrong

despite me only actually starting to feel like an adult 

despite me at 25, realize i'm beginning to mature

i don't know what did i do to deserve all the things in my life

i know i don't

thank you 2020. kapit. mco. passing medschool. and unexpectedly meeting.....you.

thank you :) 

what do i do

this might be the last post here or maybe not. i might change all my social medias. just feel like commiting social media suicide. it'll be nice i think.

finally i'm just so done with alvan the have to type properly alvan and have to type something meaningful alvan. the care what people think alvan. the don't know what to say alvan. 

just be genuine and that's all that matters. friends who are suitable will naturally come. you dont friends for a reason, you're awkward, and it's fine.

better to just not stress out trying to please everyone and give people time

don't expect anything

and don't have a structure to your writing

just write cuz i feel like it and it's just been a while.

goodnight oo