It's a terribly difficult thing to find, the thing called peace. From the top of my head I can think of John Chapter 14 verse 27, but I'm not going to just quote it and then leave you wondering how does that verse imply to us. I'm actually scared of how much insecurity/'uncontentedness' there is in this generation I grow up in.
From a child until now I still haven't found the peace Jesus talks about. Maybe you think, taking a solitary trip away from the busyness of life, is how you can find peace, but in my opinion, that 'peace' you found is not going to last when you come back. Yes, Jesus always sought solitude to pray, but He already was at peace, I don't think He needed solitude to "reset" his "peace metre". Nevertheless, seeking solitude is a very good tool, so I'm just saying it might not be easy to come back from solitude and maintain that new-found peace. Then, "why come back from solitude, I want to stay there forever!" Isn't that just being selfish, you not doing anything for people? "Why would people need me?" Trust me, you are of a lot of use, if you allow God to use you.
This serving God thing might be a little overwhelming. Because "what if I have done all these terrible things, how am I worthy?" Or, "I am already so drained, I don't think I can afford to serve Him."
I'm not sure how to answer those. But I think one thing I realized, and probably why I wanted to write this at first, and it is that there is a paradox. A paradox, where I give my anxieties to Him, I do my best in this wretched state to honor Him in whatever ways I can, and giving praise and thanks to Him for all that happens to me, but by giving myself, I am actually receiving myself more and coming to the realization that all I was doing all along was receiving from Him the peace and the power of God's love. So, maybe that doesn't really fit the definition of a paradox, but I think you should be able to get the point.
"But I just don't want to worship this God." This is probably the hardest part to deal with. Imagine a vector quantity, like velocity. Creating a force is simpler than directing that force. Okay, bad analogy. But, God is your direction. If you just want to live your own life and try to find a better way, you're not going to find a better way. You do not control this world. God does. I'm sorry. This humbling truth, it's probably easier for some and at the same time more difficult for some to truly accept. And it definitely doesn't happen overnight, this journey of acceptance. Realizing who God really is, realizing who you really are, realizing what is life basically, it's tough. BUT, you have to face it one day sooner or later.
So just like those assignments you have in university, there's a deadline. You can get started now, or wait until it's too late. Ouch, that was harsh. Forgive me. Erm....I would say the best way to start would be by asking God to bring you into His will. Let Him know you want to do what He wants in your life, which is actually the best plan for your life, just as He promises in Romans chapter 8 verse 28. If you really want that in your life, don't stop nagging God (constantly praying I mean, I just wanted to let you know it's okay to pray the same thing over and over again. No need for long prayers and no need for formalities, just bawl, whine, throw a tantrum, sing...only just respect Him, like you would your father. Respect God and honor Him, because He respects and honors your prayers as well).
Remember, you most likely will be discouraged because nothing will apparently happen. You most likely would feel that you are the most unworthy person in the world. You most likely would be distracted by work, studies, the internet. You most likely will stop praying after sometime. You very likely will believe that nothing will happen, that the great friend you met yesterday was just a nice person and not a blessing from God, that the alertness you had in class was because you had taken your coffee and not a blessing from God, that the new client who arrived at your office was because a friend sent him to you and not a blessing from God.... I'm telling you, whether it takes a couple of months or 5 years or 10 years, God is going to be more and more evident in your life, if you don't stop longing and asking for His guidance. I am at the end of my teens and I am just only beginning to see His fingernails. Nobody is going to tell you this, because this topic NEVER comes up in any of my conversations with my friends. It never ever does (got la, but with one friend over social media websites). I might want to bring it up one day, but oh God help me. I need to be able to have a clear picture in order to describe it to anyone. So, writing this post is quite beneficial for me as well.
It's up to you, friend. Choose peace and life, or choose the opposite. Anyone ever told you that there's no middle ground? They were right.
p/s: If you're not sure which God to pray to, just address your prayer to the true God. If He is real, he will hear you and reveal Himself to you, when the time is ripe.
I do leave something more for you who are discouraged, like I am a lot of times.
but He said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast for my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9
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