What do you see when you observe someone's actions? His reasons or motives, his emotions or attitude, or his next move?
There's nothing to the above question. I am just curious. No, I haven't read any philosophical book again, or watched weird shows. I just over-think stuff. In sports or games, I have learnt that guessing future moves, and planning moves is extremely important. Knowing the mental and physical state of the opponent also puts you at an advantage. Anyway, in sports, you know you make your decisions based on knowing the odds, your abilities, and your opponents strengths or weaknesses. But, it isn't really the same in life right? Exploiting people's weaknesses to get what you want definitely isn't right to begin with.
I was thinking of free-will. Humans have the freedom to make their own choices in life. But what affects those choices? Our personality? Our memories? Rationality? The Holy Spirit? I'm a bit hesitant to venture too far in thinking about the definition of free will. Maybe 'free will' is a bad term for it, maybe it should be 'voluntary decision-making'. Because if 'free will' is doing something without being affected by anything, then what do we base our decisions on? When I make a decision, aren't I affected by my personality, the kind of upbringing I have, the circumstances that I am in and the conscience I have? So, when one is born, does one already have a personality? So, if we do, how do we attain that personality? God gives us a soul and spirit and body, so the personality must be given by Him too, right?
I do have some difficulty in coming to terms with my past, which is may or may not be silly, because I'm not even close to being 40. Still, it makes one feel kinda lousy, when you know you are eccentric and you try not to be but end up being weird without realising it until later. On the other hand, I just might have an eccentric way of looking back at things, probably exaggerating events in my head. Is it a desperate attempt at seeking attention? Anyway, I was a jerk many times so really sorry to everyone I hurt before. Thank God, I'm slowly improving.
Everyone makes bad choices. I do bad things before I can stop myself. The evil I do, comes from the human nature within me, fuelled by emotions I don't keep in check, and a stimuli that triggers my emotions. Everyone was a human and sinful nature within them, so nothing I can do about that. The part we work on, is our controlling part right? Consistent communion with God (which I still struggle with), healthy and encouraging companionship, I can only think of these two as the best.
Finally, I've built this circuit of thoughts to bring you to what I'm confused with right now:
Did I get all these negative emotions, habits, desires, from the people around me or am I born with them? I believe it is both right? Then if that is true, how does the fault lie in me? I don't know how I did all these wrongs, for I was born with the intent and affected by my environment. I'm not sure how that can be counted as free will..
Hence, I think I understand a little now. It isn't about fault, as long as we committed sin, it is in us, but that does not mean we are to be blamed. That is why you hate the sin and not the sinner. Furthermore, I understand that it is impossible to be sinless by our own abilities and efforts. It's not even an option. Can you see how a person can totally be without sin? No right. I mean, we sinned even before we realised that we understood what sin was, so we can't stop ourselves from sinning, and we can't redeem our own sins. Those who have sinned won't be able to come into God's presence not because He rejects us, but He rejects the sin in us. Imagine sin is the deadly disease, we are the body, and God is life. The body will struggle to keep the disease out, but once it takes over, the body can't hold on to life any more. So, Jesus is the center of it all. He is the only one that can atone for our sins, so we may be saved from this path leading to a meaningless end. Don't you think so? There may be ways of living, or arts of meditation, that may help us reduce the sin we commit, but we still are tainted with the guilt of our past. So when someone tells you that you are sinful, although it sounds blunt, that is not an insult. It is the same as telling someone that one day they are going to die. Uncomfortable, but it's true.
I have understood this kinda late, I know. Probably missed out on this understanding due to lack of reading? Distractions maybe, but then I am always late for everything.
If you have read until here, wow. I salute your patience and interest in this kind of topic. It feels good to know one isn't alone.
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