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I've been deceiving myself my whole life.

There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. 
(Proverbs 14:12)

We all know it's a fact that humans make choices throughout their life. So, consider these two thoughts:
The choices I make might result in a mistake, but that's okay because I can always learn from them. Yet, the choices I make most likely have permanent effects, and I can never run away from the consequences, whatever my real intentions were.

Now, most of the time, probably because I'm young and I think I have a lot of time left, I am conscious of the first sentence more than the second. Hence, the permanent effects of my mistakes have left permanent bruises on my feelings and left me fearful of mistakes. I got confused, why am I scared? Shouldn't it be normal to make mistakes, get healing and start anew? I was so wrong. There is no way to start anew, from men's perspective. For a human, what is the way out? 1. entertainment. Staying distant from real life situations, so one doesn't have to feel the guilt of one's actions. 2. Suicide. Cancel out one's entire existence, because one will do less damage if one is not around to even do it. Taking these paths of ignorance or escape would be cowardly because the problem wasn't solved. 3. Being contented with my flaws. All of them aren't going to solve anything, but probably make a larger mess.

The reason I got scared, confused, is because I forgot the second sentence. I took the word "permanent" too lightly. What happens next? I keep searching for ways to avoid the permanent bad, and only get the permanent good. Such greed and such folly. No way a human can do that. Still, blinded, I get frustrated with my incapabilities and worthlessness.

The failures will always come, and so will the feelings of hurt and disappointment that accompany them. It is impossible to be completely immune to those stuff. As determined as I was to fight my weaknesses, it was an insurmountable challenge. What then do I need? 1. a fresh start 2. resolution of my mistakes 3. freedom from the guilt 4. a greater conscience than my weak human conscience. 5. some hope to give this life more meaning  6. proof that I can believe in this hope.

If you by any chance have a similar view, I think I can give a bit of directions, because I've also received directions. A God that can give us a fresh start by forgiving us and freeing us from the guilt, who can guide us in the right way, who is always with us to prompt our actions and hence acts as a better conscience, who gives us hope by promising new life and a life after death and the pleasure of knowing Him, who gives more than enough proof of Himself and His works for those that search for it wholeheartedly, be it in creation, miracles, historical events, etc., a God like that exists.

I wouldn't say I have come to really know Him first hand, but He is definitely doing things that are visible to me as His work. I'm on my way along this confusing path of discovering where He intends me to go, but it's a path of hope albeit challenge-filled. Really not sure of where I'm going, so I guess this is where I rely on faith.

After all, I honestly could not find any hope in any other place, there is no way we can save ourselves by moral living of human standards and origin.

God saved you by his grace when you believed. 
And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 
Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, 
so none of us can boast about it. 

Ephesians 2: 8-9