Loneliness

This is a rant.

Nowadays, I walk into a class of around 50 people, but I am alone. Maybe I offended them, or maybe people just don't like serious, quiet people.

I don't understand. People nowadays, love and know how to talk nonsense. I am listening to the dialogues around me as I pretend to be minding my own business, and what I hear is just empty words, meaningless chatter.

But the thing is, (Almost) EVERYONE likes this kind of fun conversation. I don't hate it. I find it annoying. I don't hate you. But, you probably hate me because I don't respond to your jokes. It's because I don't find them funny bro.

It's probably me. Because people don't really have conflicts with other people, but I'm the one having conflict with everyone, quietly.

I feel that pang of guilt when I react in an unfriendly way. I have terrible abilities at explaining myself. Because, I can always find a way to make it my fault. Everytime I try to discipline people by telling them, people get offended. Well, maybe all those times, I have done it the wrong way, or chose the wrong person.

I'm really confused and just lost. Seriously, I don't count anyone as a really real friend anymore. I can only trust myself, and God. Unless you count aunties and uncles, then okay, I know they are genuine, but the generation gap. Maybe I should start investing time in making friends with these aunties and uncles, and some younger people who are actually much matured than me.


Before I stop this rant, I wanna ask something to my readers. Why do people nowadays, always think they are right? You know it really really confuses me, why people can suddenly remember oh, no one is perfect, when it is their fault. They tell people, don't judge! They react, when you try to ask them if they are doing something right, and think you are trying to accuse them. Why are people always on the edge, when they get rejected. Or even, they aren't really rejected, but they feel so angry. They see me being quiet and emotionless, and they think I'm a little pissed boy who is too proud to show emotions. They're probably right about me.
But anyway, when it comes to judging others, you seem to forget those stuff you use to defend yourself. I know Christians are hypocrites, we are just a bunch of religious people, going church, acting holy, throwing bible verses at your face. I do it because I care about you. But of course you won't believe me. They think in ways I cannot fathom. Seriously, sometimes, I wish I could pray the prayer that Jesus prayed, Father forgive them for they know not what they do, but who am I to pray that prayer. I'm also a very judgmental person, but I try not to say what I think. In my thoughts, I judge you, but if I see something wrong with you, I would try to fix it if I see an opening. But sometimes there really isn't an opening. Some people, are really hard to be honest with, because they are being dishonest all the time. Or, some people say ok bro I understand, thank you bro in front of you, but they are just the same person, probably cursed me behind my back.

I know I am a very paranoid person. I think a lot. But it is because I think a lot, I know that I don't think enough. And I think people should just learn to keep quiet and just keep quiet and just stay quiet. Learn to listen. Learn to understand. Learn not to judge things too quickly

You're mostly people who have learnt science. Things can't be right or wrong until proven to be either one. It's not - things are wrong unless proven right. And not - things are right unless proven wrong.
Please give people, things, the benefit of the doubt.

On the other hand, please learn to be concerned about important affairs. Pay attention to details. Don't be in a rush, to just go do your own thing. Please learn to be patient. Please learn that awkward situations aren't actually awkward if you don't think they are awkward, it could just mean how different you are from that person, or it could mean how seldom you get real.

Please just learn to listen. If you don't, I really have no point in writing this. You go have your way. I just want to wash my hands off everyone, but...I really pray God will touch everyone around me. Then again. You think I'm a self-righteous person, who only thinks of converting people.

What is there to gain in life? There's nothing. I'm just trying to live for Christ. But I am afraid to explain myself. I have received enough rejection already.

One more thing, don't be ignorant. If you wanna give your opinion about something, you should best keep quiet until you understand both sides. It is important to watch your words. Words have power.

I hope you don't think I'm judging you. I don't know why, but I can't just say "it's their life, it's up to them how they want to live". It's your life, yes, it's up to you to live, but when I see them walking down a road of darkness...what should I do? Is it really a road of darkness? Will they get offended if I try to talk about it? Would they even listen?

Worries.

So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
Matthew 6: 31-33

Everyone is or has been an unbeliever, nothing to be offended by that word.
Please don't limit God in your thoughts. You can't rationalize God. You can't say I'm much too sinful for God to mend. Please just take time to read Christian books. Read the bible. If you are feeding on the world's thoughts, through the media and through your daily activities, and you want to talk about God, how will that be possible? Please don't simple say things. You need to understand that when you get rejected, or your life has been disaster, when you feel like you have no friends, it doesn't mean God hates you. Please don't say God is merciless, that he can't even grant you the only prayer request you have. How you know He isn't preparing something greater?

Please just open you eyes. I really just have no more means of helping anymore, I'm just human. So I pray that God will break through that covering of darkness that blinds you. I really am exhausted listening to all the negativity. It's getting to me as well. I'm struggling too in my own personal life and walk with God. Everyone is. Don't blame God when you see other people in different situations from you. Just learn to be quiet and listen.

okay thanks for reading. All glory to God.